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Marriage – The Lifelong Hustle

January 9, 2015

Rose Garden Scarf 1

Whether shouted from the mountain top of the person who was wronged, or whispered in the dark behind closed doors, that one word causes pit-in-the-stomach dread and cringing all at the same time.

Cheating.

There are so many varying degrees of it.  Just being in the position and flirting with disaster.  There’s the one time deal.  The prolonged relationship.  The second life, second family.  Does one constitute all with the same consequences?

I know that regardless of the severity, they are all judged harshly.  Sometimes, just an unsubstantiated rumor is enough to lose friends and alienate couples.  I read once, that it is often seen as a “catchable disease” and that just knowing someone who has done it will spread plague to other spouses.  That is probably the silliest thing I have read, but also the most accurate I’ve seen in experiences.  Hindsight being 20/20, if that is the way you feel, I am glad we would have parted ways!

That is not to say it doesn’t cause soul wrenching defeat and despaired hurt.  I am not a fan of public accusations and group witch hunts, no matter how wronged you’ve been (although I do have to stifle the immature giggling side of myself sometimes).

What I am saying, is that I have evolved as a human being to understand that stuff, sometimes no matter how hard we try, just happens.  Especially when you truly love someone despite their faults.

As a military spouse, you are prone to different hardships.  This includes not seeing your significant other for over a year due to deployments.  Is it okay if bumps in the road occur throughout the involuntary separation if they are based a primal, physical need and mean nothing?  What about those service members who spend a 50/50 split between home and overseas, always deploying to the same area with a second family?

Even better – what happens if these were known, understood and accepted?  What happens if it is both an emotionally and physically healthy relationship where it happened, it hurts, you understand and move on.  We are, after all, human.  Companionship, physical touch – even babies are known to have a shorter lifespan without it.  Why should it be any different as adults?

In a world where cheating is seen as so persecutory and bad, where open relationships are scoffed and the happily ever after standard is the next best Disney movie in the theaters, maybe that is where we are going wrong.  That we are living up to these unrealistic fairy tale expectations and forgetting the fact that it is make believe to begin with.

While I don’t advocate going behind a partner’s back and doing things, I also understand humanity and realistic expectations.  Marriage is hard and there is no “book” that will give you the answer to solve all of your hardships.  Do what works for you and your marriage, because someone is always going to judge you no matter if it is “right”.

At the end of the day, it’s just the two of you.  Let that be all that matters.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 10, 2015 1:26 pm

    We were asked to guest speak about this article on the radio! Thank you Macho Spouse – Male Military Spouses!

    Can you believe it? We’re still in a little disbelief over it all.

    If you’d like to listen, it can be found here:

    http://www.blogtalkradio.com/machospouseradio/2015/01/09/mmsrs-25–is-2015-the-year-to-better-yourself

  2. Roberta Isaacs permalink
    January 13, 2015 5:37 pm

    Dear Rebecca,

    I am so happy to hear from you. How is everything going with you and your daughter? You have been on my mind. You are am excellent writer. I think that you are extremely talented. You can do anything!!!

    I would love to get together if you had the time.

    Warm personal regards, Roberta

    • January 14, 2015 12:29 pm

      Roberta, I miss you! I would love to get together with you! I will email you my personal cell so we can catch up.

      Thanks so much for your love and support (as always)

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